The federal Divorce Act changed on March 1, 2021.
The words “Custody” and “Access” are no longer used. Instead, there are new terms being used to talk about parenting arrangements after separation.
[Read more…]Keeping Up with Legal Lingo
What Exactly is a Parenting Plan?
After separating, talking with your former partner to create a plan for the children can feel overwhelmed. More so, you may be told to create a separation agreement which covers everything from property to parenting arrangements.
[Read more…]My Parents’ Divorce – A Personal Story
I remember the day my mom told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce. I think I will always remember it clearly and vividly, not only the picture but the feelings I felt as well.
My parents’ divorce happened when I was 16 and going through the ups and downs of being a teenager, dealing with the drama of friends and boys, and loving it one minute and hating it the next.
My dad traveled a lot for work so he would be gone across the world one month and then back home the next month. On this particular month he was gone.
I almost preferred our relationship when it was long distance because when he was home my parents fought a lot. It was clear that neither of them were very happy being around each other, and without them intending too, their resentment had an impact on my life. Dinnertime became a stressful event because they were forced to face each other and that meant an argument was sure to ensue. They would talk often about divorce so maybe that’s why I wasn’t so shocked when my mother eventually told me they were getting one. [Read more…]
How to Have Less Divorce Stress
Your spouse just told you it is over! While anyone in this situation would experience some divorce stress, does it mean you will completely fall apart? Maybe, or maybe not.
What is the difference between those that handle this situation well and those that do not? According to a 2012 study by David A. Sbarra, Hillary L. Smith, and Matthias R. Mehl of the University of Arizona, it is self-compassion.
Stages of Disconnection in a Marriage
Divorce prevention is about understanding that divorces do not just happen. There are phases marriages go through before they end. What phase is your marriage in?
Pleasing – Both spouses feel happy, hopeful and content. They forgive each other and are able to forget.
Familiar – Spouses feel relaxed with each other, but as the normal stressors happen in life they start to build resentment and take each other for granted.
Uncomfortable – Unhappiness starts to set in. Most couples do not know how to communicate their needs directly so they ask indirectly. Do this, do that. They cannot express their real needs and therefore cannot meet each other’s needs.
Separation: How to Talk to Your Ex
Talking to an ex can be incredibly difficult, especially if emotions are still unresolved, children are involved, there is still anger, resentment and sadness about the demise of the relationship, or several of these things are present. Every situation is unique.
Many people try to avoid talking to their ex at all costs, only communicating through email, texts or a neutral third party.
Children Coping with Divorce
Some children go through divorce with relatively few problems while others have a very difficult time. For children divorce can be stressful, sad and confusing.
Your words, actions and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love. You may wonder what to say, how to say it, and what your child needs. These are all important questions.
What a child wants and needs during a divorce
- For both parents to stay involved in their life to make them feel important and loved
- For both parents to work hard at getting along so the child doesn’t feel like they did something wrong
- Support from both parents without jealousy or being caught in the middle
- Positive reinforcement from each parent about one another
What parents should say, and how they should say it
- Tell the truth
- Tell them you love them
- Talk openly about the changes going on in the family
- Answer their questions honestly
- Avoid blame
- Give age-appropriate explanations
- Share important details like new living arrangements
It is normal for children to feel a range of difficult emotions but time, love and reassurance can help in healing. If things get worse rather than better it may be a sign that your child requires additional support. Here are some red flags to watch for:
- Sleep problems
- Trouble in school
- Poor concentration
- Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders
- Frequent angry or violent outbursts
- Withdrawal from loved ones
- Drug and/or alcohol abuse
By providing stability, structure and the comfort of routines, children know what to expect, which can aid in the transition. If you are struggling, there are qualified professionals who can help you, your child and the rest of your family find solutions. At Family TLC we believe that successful parenting requires both love and knowledge.
How to Ease Your Child’s Transition Between Mom and Dad’s House
It is no secret that separation and divorce is difficult for everyone involved. It is a time of stress and anxiety and children often have many questions such as, “What’s going to happen to me?”, “Where am I going to live?” or“Who am I going to live with?” Depending on a child’s age, this transition to their new normal may prove to be quite difficult and upsetting.
There are ways in which you can try and ease this transition and make it easier on your child. The biggest way to make this a little calmer on your child is consistency, consistency, consistency! The more things stay the same for the child, the better. For many children, the back and forth between their parents’ houses is what causes the most stress and the change in routine can cause anxiety. Again, it is the unknown that causes the most anguish in any situation. As long as you can keep the child’s routine as similar as possible, the easier this transition will be.
The Emotional Side of Co-Parenting
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It does not come with a manual and your children depend on you to guide them through. You want to do what is best for them and make the right decisions.
Separation and divorce are common in today’s society. A separation affects everyone differently and at varying stages. Communication during and after the separation is key. Many people find it difficult to communicate because your emotions are so intense and you may be in denial about your new reality. You may feel sad, angry, let down, depressed and find it difficult to speak to or communicate with your ex-partner.
Normal Versus Abnormal Emotions When Going Through Separation and Divorce
Everyone is bound to have some differences in the way they react to a separation. However, there are normal behaviors, and others that may be an indication of mental illness. This chart will help bring his blurred line between normal and abnormal into focus. [Read more…]
