How Do I Tell My Kids I Have An Addiction?

On October 3, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

Parents often wonder how they can tell their children they have an addiction. Truth is, the children probably already know.

When is drinking an addiction?

Imagine this scenario: A single mom arrives home from a 12-hour shift at work after picking up her two children at school. She empties lunch bags, cooks dinner, helps with homework, supervises showers, reads to the kids before bed, tucks them in, closes their door and then she lets out a sigh.

It’s not so much a sigh of relief as a sigh of being exhausted and knowing that she still has chores to do before she can even sit down for the first time that day. She goes downstairs, cleans up the dishes from dinner, makes lunches for the next day, signs permission forms and finally, she is done. She can now relax. She can sit down. Why not have a glass of wine? Wine helps her to calm down and helps her unwind from her day.

There is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or two when you’ve had a rough day, when you’re having a dinner party, or when you just want to relax. A problem arises when you find yourself thinking about this glass or two or three while you’re at work during the day. So you figure what’s the harm in having a glass while I’m out for lunch at work? Then you come home and instead of a glass or two, you find yourself drinking a whole bottle or two, or more.
[Read more…]

Understanding Depression

On June 20, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

Whether it’s happening to you or someone you love, depression can be upsetting. Understanding the different types of depression, as well as available treatment, is an important step towards returning to balance.

The six types of depression

1. Situational depression – This is when a person has something going on in their environment that’s causing them to have symptoms of depression, such as death, the end of a marriage, or something else that’s happening in their life.

2. Dysthymia – With dysthymia, over time someone’s typical way of feeling and being is lowered. There’s more sadness and discontentment, and even when they are happy they appear more subdued or flatter than what most people would consider happy. They become content with this lower level and don’t recognize that anything is wrong. This becomes their “normal.” [Read more…]

How Teens Can Help a Friend With an Eating Disorder

On June 10, 2013 / Family Counselling /

Recently I was asked for advice about a teen who suspected that her friend has an eating disorder. What should she do?

An important thing to realize is that people are very effective at hiding their eating disorders. That means they will often be far along and deep into the patterns and problems by the time you start noticing. At that point it’s much harder to help someone.

As good of a friend as you are, this person needs more than a friend right now. She needs serious, professional help. Talk to a school counselor, your own parent, or your friend’s parent, so that they can get your friend the help she needs. [Read more…]

Stressed, Anxious or Depressed? Try Massage Therapy

On June 5, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

This is a guest post by Dan Carell, RMT, from the Georgian Professional Centre in Barrie.

The general or basic relaxation style of massage is usually called Swedish or Classic massage. Its history starts in Europe where gymnastic athletes would receive a massage after each workout. This unique style of massage become known as Swedish.

When performed correctly, a Swedish massage can help you to calm your busy mind and relax your tight muscles, leaving you focused and ready to face the rest of your day, or wonderfully serene and prepared for a good night’s sleep.

But does massage therapy really work? Yes, and here is some research that demonstrates how well. [Read more…]

What to Look for in a Therapist

On May 27, 2013 / Counselling /

What exactly is a therapist, what do they do, what kind of background do they have, and how do I know if they’re any good? If you’re considering hiring a therapist, you probably have some of these questions.

Let’s look first at what is a therapist. Right now, the term therapist is used interchangeably with other terms like counsellor, psychotherapist, social worker, psychologist, and marriage and family therapist.

Psychologists and social workers are the only regulated professionals, meaning they have a governing body, which is somewhere the public can report problems. In Ontario, they’re developing a college of psychotherapists and mental health therapists that will be a governing body and an umbrella for psychotherapists, chaplains, music therapists, art therapists and others, for the purpose of regulating those professions and providing more protection for the public. [Read more…]

Understanding Teenage Anxiety

On May 20, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

At Family TLC we are noticing a rise in anxiety rates in teenagers. What does that rise look like? More teenagers are coming in for help and they are describing stress and anxiety that is more intense, frequent and longer lasting.

We are commonly hearing teens say, “My heart is racing, I can’t sleep, I feel like I am under pressure, I am afraid of things I have never been afraid of before.” We also hear things like, “I feel so sad and lonely, I worry every day, I worry about performing, I worry about fitting in, I worry about meeting expectations.” We also get more reports of teenage aggression and destruction, which is commonly misunderstood anxiety.

Anxiety is meant to help us, acting as a natural warning sign that results in a healthy response to take some kind of action. In these quotes from teens, though, we are seeing that the intensity of the physical, emotional, and mental impact is so overwhelming it becomes debilitating. [Read more…]

Introducing a New Partner to Your Children

On May 13, 2013 / Family Counselling /

We’ve all read the statistics that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. I believe one of the key reasons for that is the struggle of blending families.

For children whose biological parents are not together, the introduction of a new person may create what we call a loyalty bind. “How do I accept the new man in Mom’s life without betraying my Dad?”

Here are some suggestions for how to introduce a new partner to your children in a way that sets a foundation for success – for everyone involved. [Read more…]

How Do I Decide to Split or Stay?

On May 6, 2013 / Marriage Counselling /

“If I end my marriage, it will hurt so many people.”
“If I stay in my marriage, I will be so lonely and miserable.”

When you are unhappy in your marriage or common-law relationship, it’s hard to see things clearly. Troubling thoughts like these might be swirling around in your head non-stop. How do you decide whether to stay or go?

Any decision can be hard, but a major decision like this can be one of the most challenging. I sometimes hear people judge others for ending a marriage or relationship too easily. In my experience this is not true. I see people agonize over this decision for years, and even when they do decide, I have yet to meet anyone who is 100% certain that their choice was the right thing to do. [Read more…]

Responding to Nasty Emails From Your Ex

On April 29, 2013 / Divorce Counselling /

You and your partner are no longer together but you still need to communicate, either to figure out the details of your separation, to handle co-parenting duties, or for some other reason. Unfortunately, many people who split still feel anger or hatred towards each other. These intense emotions can even come through in emails.

For example, people will use capital letters to show they are YELLING, to call their ex names, or to set their ex straight with the facts. It is a natural human reaction to want to state things like, “THIS is how it happened,” “You got it WRONG” or “You did THIS.”

Another harmful tactic with email is when people forward an email from their ex to their family or friends to rally support for their own point of view. [Read more…]

The Solitude of Marriage

On April 29, 2013 / Marriage Counselling /

I read a quote on Facebook and it said something like, “I would rather be lonely than with someone who makes me feel alone.” This rang true for me, since at Family TLC many married clients tell us that they feel lonely and they never thought that it would be that way. In order to protect the privacy of our clients I cannot tell you about one in particular, so I will create a fictitious client named Martha who is a composite of many clients.

The shock of unhappiness

Martha remembers the day she realized how unhappy she was in her marriage. It was late at night and she was just sitting down to browse her Facebook account. She had done her usual night time routine of kids, laundry, lunches, dog, dishes. She felt tired but wanted a few minutes of “me” time.

She had been connecting with high school friends through Facebook and it was good to remember the happy times. She had a new message from Mark, who she dated in high school. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she started reading his message. He was showing an interest in her, and asking lots of questions about her.

Martha stopped for a second, and realized it seemed like it had been forever since she had felt this kind of connection. It made her feel excited, sexy and young. Was it just a minute ago she felt tired, worn out and angry?

Losing yourself when you settle

Martha’s husband John was home somewhere but she did not know where. They rarely occupied the same part of the house these days. Come to think of it, they had not talked, well, really talked, since who knows when.

They were both good parents and did everything for the kids. With their combined incomes, they could afford a nice house in a good neighbourhood, and their kids had more than either of them had growing up. But, and this was a big but, they didn’t have a good time together anymore. John did not excite her; he was boring and disappointing.

Even worse, she was losing herself. She did not like this angry, unhappy, lonely woman she had become. She deserved more, but she feared that more for her will mean less for the kids.

Is this marriage worth saving?

Martha realized the marriage was not working. What she didn’t know is whether it could be fixed. Was it salvageable, or should they separate, and what would that be like? How would a separation affect the kids? Even though she deserved more, does that mean the kids deserved less?

Yet how could she keep living like this? Is their marriage giving the kids the best model of a good relationship, or is it teaching them to settle? This was too much to think about. However she knew she could not carry one like this for much longer.

Can you relate to Martha’s story? Do you feel like you just can’t carry on in your marriage? At Family TLC we offer marriage counselling, help for those going through separation and divorce, and individual counselling for those who, like Martha, aren’t sure of the right path to take.