Stressed, Anxious or Depressed? Try Massage Therapy

On June 5, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

This is a guest post by Dan Carell, RMT, from the Georgian Professional Centre in Barrie.

The general or basic relaxation style of massage is usually called Swedish or Classic massage. Its history starts in Europe where gymnastic athletes would receive a massage after each workout. This unique style of massage become known as Swedish.

When performed correctly, a Swedish massage can help you to calm your busy mind and relax your tight muscles, leaving you focused and ready to face the rest of your day, or wonderfully serene and prepared for a good night’s sleep.

But does massage therapy really work? Yes, and here is some research that demonstrates how well. [Read more…]

What to Look for in a Therapist

On May 27, 2013 / Counselling /

What exactly is a therapist, what do they do, what kind of background do they have, and how do I know if they’re any good? If you’re considering hiring a therapist, you probably have some of these questions.

Let’s look first at what is a therapist. Right now, the term therapist is used interchangeably with other terms like counsellor, psychotherapist, social worker, psychologist, and marriage and family therapist.

Psychologists and social workers are the only regulated professionals, meaning they have a governing body, which is somewhere the public can report problems. In Ontario, they’re developing a college of psychotherapists and mental health therapists that will be a governing body and an umbrella for psychotherapists, chaplains, music therapists, art therapists and others, for the purpose of regulating those professions and providing more protection for the public. [Read more…]

Understanding Teenage Anxiety

On May 20, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

At Family TLC we are noticing a rise in anxiety rates in teenagers. What does that rise look like? More teenagers are coming in for help and they are describing stress and anxiety that is more intense, frequent and longer lasting.

We are commonly hearing teens say, “My heart is racing, I can’t sleep, I feel like I am under pressure, I am afraid of things I have never been afraid of before.” We also hear things like, “I feel so sad and lonely, I worry every day, I worry about performing, I worry about fitting in, I worry about meeting expectations.” We also get more reports of teenage aggression and destruction, which is commonly misunderstood anxiety.

Anxiety is meant to help us, acting as a natural warning sign that results in a healthy response to take some kind of action. In these quotes from teens, though, we are seeing that the intensity of the physical, emotional, and mental impact is so overwhelming it becomes debilitating. [Read more…]

Introducing a New Partner to Your Children

On May 13, 2013 / Family Counselling /

We’ve all read the statistics that second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. I believe one of the key reasons for that is the struggle of blending families.

For children whose biological parents are not together, the introduction of a new person may create what we call a loyalty bind. “How do I accept the new man in Mom’s life without betraying my Dad?”

Here are some suggestions for how to introduce a new partner to your children in a way that sets a foundation for success – for everyone involved. [Read more…]

How Do I Decide to Split or Stay?

On May 6, 2013 / Marriage Counselling /

“If I end my marriage, it will hurt so many people.”
“If I stay in my marriage, I will be so lonely and miserable.”

When you are unhappy in your marriage or common-law relationship, it’s hard to see things clearly. Troubling thoughts like these might be swirling around in your head non-stop. How do you decide whether to stay or go?

Any decision can be hard, but a major decision like this can be one of the most challenging. I sometimes hear people judge others for ending a marriage or relationship too easily. In my experience this is not true. I see people agonize over this decision for years, and even when they do decide, I have yet to meet anyone who is 100% certain that their choice was the right thing to do. [Read more…]

Responding to Nasty Emails From Your Ex

On April 29, 2013 / Divorce Counselling /

You and your partner are no longer together but you still need to communicate, either to figure out the details of your separation, to handle co-parenting duties, or for some other reason. Unfortunately, many people who split still feel anger or hatred towards each other. These intense emotions can even come through in emails.

For example, people will use capital letters to show they are YELLING, to call their ex names, or to set their ex straight with the facts. It is a natural human reaction to want to state things like, “THIS is how it happened,” “You got it WRONG” or “You did THIS.”

Another harmful tactic with email is when people forward an email from their ex to their family or friends to rally support for their own point of view. [Read more…]

The Solitude of Marriage

On April 29, 2013 / Marriage Counselling /

I read a quote on Facebook and it said something like, “I would rather be lonely than with someone who makes me feel alone.” This rang true for me, since at Family TLC many married clients tell us that they feel lonely and they never thought that it would be that way. In order to protect the privacy of our clients I cannot tell you about one in particular, so I will create a fictitious client named Martha who is a composite of many clients.

The shock of unhappiness

Martha remembers the day she realized how unhappy she was in her marriage. It was late at night and she was just sitting down to browse her Facebook account. She had done her usual night time routine of kids, laundry, lunches, dog, dishes. She felt tired but wanted a few minutes of “me” time.

She had been connecting with high school friends through Facebook and it was good to remember the happy times. She had a new message from Mark, who she dated in high school. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she started reading his message. He was showing an interest in her, and asking lots of questions about her.

Martha stopped for a second, and realized it seemed like it had been forever since she had felt this kind of connection. It made her feel excited, sexy and young. Was it just a minute ago she felt tired, worn out and angry?

Losing yourself when you settle

Martha’s husband John was home somewhere but she did not know where. They rarely occupied the same part of the house these days. Come to think of it, they had not talked, well, really talked, since who knows when.

They were both good parents and did everything for the kids. With their combined incomes, they could afford a nice house in a good neighbourhood, and their kids had more than either of them had growing up. But, and this was a big but, they didn’t have a good time together anymore. John did not excite her; he was boring and disappointing.

Even worse, she was losing herself. She did not like this angry, unhappy, lonely woman she had become. She deserved more, but she feared that more for her will mean less for the kids.

Is this marriage worth saving?

Martha realized the marriage was not working. What she didn’t know is whether it could be fixed. Was it salvageable, or should they separate, and what would that be like? How would a separation affect the kids? Even though she deserved more, does that mean the kids deserved less?

Yet how could she keep living like this? Is their marriage giving the kids the best model of a good relationship, or is it teaching them to settle? This was too much to think about. However she knew she could not carry one like this for much longer.

Can you relate to Martha’s story? Do you feel like you just can’t carry on in your marriage? At Family TLC we offer marriage counselling, help for those going through separation and divorce, and individual counselling for those who, like Martha, aren’t sure of the right path to take.

Building Resilience in Children

On April 22, 2013 / Family Counselling /

Resilience is the ability to feel good about yourself in this very changing and chaotic world. Each person is like a rope bridge, and as the bridge swings back and forth, it rubs against rocks and gets worn down – life wears it down. It’s important to have a strong rope with a good coating on it, so that bridge doesn’t break. Resilience provides that coating.

Resilience can help every child be a star – in their own mind and out in the world. A resilient child will be less likely to choose to take drugs, choose to be a bully, or feel anxiety. Resilience creates a strong sense of self and enjoyment of self.

Resilient children are free to experience new things, and venture out and enjoy life. Resilience protects the child from damage, without isolating them from the world. [Read more…]

The Analogy of Loss

On April 15, 2013 / Individual Counselling /

Do you ever feel like no one understands your experience of loss? The best way I know to describe grief is with an analogy I first heard several years ago from a woman who worked in hospice care. I have added to it over the years, and now I would like to share it with you.

The river of life

Imagine you are in your boat on the river of life. Your boat is comfortable and sail worthy. All of a sudden, without warning, the river leads you over Niagara Falls. All you know is you are falling and it is very noisy. You crash into the freezing cold water and drop deep into the turbulent waters. There are bubbles everywhere and you have no idea which way is up. You start to feel pressure in your chest and it feels like you are going to die.

You realize you have to get air. Miraculously, you manage to get your mouth above water and you gulp in some air, only to be pulled under and tossed around again. You continue this way for what seems like an eternity, just managing to steal enough breath to survive. You are exhausted, wet and cold. You are shocked by what happened. You are finding it difficult to carry on as your energy is depleted and nothing is familiar. [Read more…]

Making the Most of Your First Counselling Session

On April 8, 2013 / Counselling /

At Family TLC it is important to us that you get the most of your first and every counselling session. We encourage you to do the following five things to prepare:

Do your homework. Answer all questions on the Intake form in detail so your therapist can review in advance. Read through our “Information for Clients” and “Practice and Privacy Policies.” By completing all of this ahead of time, you can ensure that your counselling session can focus on answering your questions and commencing the therapeutic process.
Write down any questions you have. This will help you remember your priorities even when you’re caught up in the moment at your appointment.
Embrace your nervousness. It is normal to feel nervous when you meet someone for the first time, and it’s actually a very positive sign because it shows that you care about the process. If you are invested in your counselling you will be more successful. Be assured that your counsellor is highly trained and experienced in making people feel comfortable.
Congratulate yourself. At Family TLC our clients are all successful people who, like you, are investing in themselves by taking the time to get expert help and create a plan for success.
Ask yourself what you want to accomplish through counselling. Remember to frame it in the positive. Rather than saying, “I want to deal with my anxiety,” say, “I want to live each day feeling relaxed and calm.” If you know where you are going it is much easier to get there.

Congratulations on being motivated enough to take the first steps towards dealing with your concerns. We are confident that you and your specialist will work well together at creating long-lasting solutions.