Family Counselling Articles - Page 8 of 8

Helping Children Cope in Blended Families

September 14, 2012 By Sue Cook, RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC blended families break up child communication Parenting

In second marriages, a blended family is one that includes children from one or both of the individual’s first households. Children may experience a myriad of emotions in this situation:

Left out of your choice. “Why do I have to live with these other kids?”
Uncertainty. Your child may not know what to expect or what it will mean to have this new person or people in his or her life.
Anger. Your child may not like this change.
Concern. They wonder what their new step-siblings will be like, and how their relationship with their biological parents will change.

These are all common reactions, and there are two important strategies that will help. The first is to be realistic – things won’t be perfect overnight, things may get worse before they get better, and your progress may even move backwards at some points. [Read more…]

The Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting Through Divorce

September 10, 2012 By Sue Cook, RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC break up child communication conflict Parenting relationship separation

Parenting through divorce can be challenging. Use these two lists to keep your family healthy.

DO…

Always think about what is in your child’s best interests.
Go out of your way to ensure that your ex is included in your child’s life.
Be flexible.
Reassure your child that they are loved, the divorce is not their fault, and neither parent is going to abandon them.
Remember that children going through a divorce worry about themselves as well as each of their parents – speak openly about these worries so you can reassure them.
Give the child permission to express their feelings freely. Be a model by sharing your own feelings appropriately.
Take care of yourself so your child can be a child and not your caregiver.
Follow through on commitments and promises.
Discuss any proposed schedule changes directly with the other parent.
Respect the other parent’s scheduled time with children and do not schedule plans that will conflict.
Be willing to support and encourage extended family relationships.
Create a calendar for the children so they always know their schedule.

[Read more…]

If You Think Your Husband or Wife is Cheating

September 10, 2012 By Sue Cook, RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC communication conflict

Are you noticing behaviours that seem out of the ordinary or suspicious, or just a gut feeling that is causing you to feel stressed out and anxious?

He always keeps his cell phone with him, even when he goes to the washroom.
She is never home – she is always working late.

You really want to trust your spouse and you don’t want to believe they are cheating. But if they are having an affair you will feel like such a fool. You need to find the truth.

So what do you do? Well, if you are like most people you start to snoop, searching for evidence you can use to confront your spouse. You look at emails, text messages, phone records, receipts and more. You go through their pockets or purses when they are in the shower. Yet even if your searches turn up nothing, you still don’t feel satisfied because you have this nagging thought that your spouse is having an affair. [Read more…]

Dealing with Stress

September 10, 2012 By Sue Cook, RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC anxiety Stress

Does your stomach feel like it is constantly in knots? Stress not only wears your body down physically, it also threatens your mental well being. Stressors can be major life events or day-to-day pressures.

Major stressors include: moving, leaving school, getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, divorce, illness, experiencing losses.

Daily stressors include: being stuck in traffic, conflicts at work, conflicts with family members, deadlines and multiple work demands, the demands of family and work life, the fast pace of modern life. [Read more…]

How to Be a Healthy Parent During a Divorce

August 17, 2012 By Sue Cook, RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC child communication Parenting separation

What is the greatest gift you can give your child during a divorce? Being your healthiest self.

Why be your healthiest self?

If you are healthy you can:

Focus on developing solutions instead of wasting your time on problems.
Give your children stability and consistency rather than taking them on an emotional roller coaster.
Respond to situations and de-escalate them instead of over-reacting and making things bigger.
Manage conflict between households instead of increasing the conflict your children are exposed to.
Help your children adjust rather than witness your children having difficulty adjusting.

[Read more…]