Family Counselling Articles - Page 8 of 8

Why Your Spouse Makes You the Angriest

On November 27, 2012 / Marriage Counselling /

“How can I be so calm one minute, and then the next minute my spouse does or says something and I’m storming off or yelling or shutting down?”

Great question! With our spouse we always want things to be synchronized. We believe we need to be in harmony in order for us to stay together. We subconsciously expect our dreams, visions and thoughts to be in line, happily ever after. So we get scared when things are not synchronized. It hurts us when our spouse does not like something we do or thinks differently about us than we do about ourselves. [Read more…]

Are You an Adult Bully?

On November 21, 2012 / Individual Counselling /

There is little written to adult bullies, even though they are prevalent. Maybe it is time for everyone to ask themselves, “Am I a bully?” Here are some questions I think everyone should reflect on. Try not to deflect these questions, but point the finger at yourself for a few minutes and reflect on your behaviour.

Do you intentionally try to hurt or upset someone else? You might be big or strong but many bullies are small and clever. Maybe because you are an adult, you mask your bullying behind a façade of trying to help, but really if you are honest with yourself, you are trying to control.

Do other people avoid your company? Perhaps they make excuses or say outright, “No, I can’t come”. [Read more…]

Feeling Angry With Your Spouse? What Not to Do

On October 29, 2012 / Marriage Counselling /

Many couples who come to Family TLC say they either avoid talking about things so they don’t get angry or somebody blows up and then the conversation gets heated. This is typical for couples who have never learned how to express anger in a healthy way.

If you think “healthy anger” sounds like a contradiction, you’re not alone. Yet it is possible to calmly talk about the things that you are angry about, resolve those conflicts and then get back to enjoying each other’s company. [Read more…]

How Blended Families Can Thrive During Thanksgiving Get-Togethers

On October 3, 2012 / Family Counselling /

Many people want to bring their families together for Thanksgiving but not all family members are willing participants. In a blended family, the reality may be that the children do not want to be there at all or if they do they may feel uncomfortable. So how do you make the Thanksgiving gathering work for everyone? Remember the acronym THRIVE:

Together
Honesty
Rituals
Individual
Viable
Expectations [Read more…]

When the Back to School Honeymoon Ends, the Real Issues Come Out

On September 27, 2012 / Family Counselling /

It is now the end of September and the back to school honeymoon is over. Has the school called about any behavioural issues? Have you noticed problems at home?

When school-aged children act out it is usually related to one of the three As:

Anxiety
ADD
Anger

Anxiety

At normal levels, anxiety feels natural and is even helpful, as it generally triggers you to prepare, get things done, be careful or be cautious. However, at higher levels anxiety can cause great distress.

When anxiety disrupts the quality of life this way, it is sometimes labelled as GAD (general anxiety disorder, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), phobias, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), separation anxiety, performance anxiety or social anxiety. [Read more…]

Helping Children Cope in Blended Families

On September 14, 2012 / Family Counselling /

In second marriages, a blended family is one that includes children from one or both of the individual’s first households. Children may experience a myriad of emotions in this situation:

Left out of your choice. “Why do I have to live with these other kids?”
Uncertainty. Your child may not know what to expect or what it will mean to have this new person or people in his or her life.
Anger. Your child may not like this change.
Concern. They wonder what their new step-siblings will be like, and how their relationship with their biological parents will change.

These are all common reactions, and there are two important strategies that will help. The first is to be realistic – things won’t be perfect overnight, things may get worse before they get better, and your progress may even move backwards at some points. [Read more…]

The Do’s and Don’ts of Parenting Through Divorce

On September 10, 2012 / Divorce Counselling /

Parenting through divorce can be challenging. Use these two lists to keep your family healthy.

DO…

Always think about what is in your child’s best interests.
Go out of your way to ensure that your ex is included in your child’s life.
Be flexible.
Reassure your child that they are loved, the divorce is not their fault, and neither parent is going to abandon them.
Remember that children going through a divorce worry about themselves as well as each of their parents – speak openly about these worries so you can reassure them.
Give the child permission to express their feelings freely. Be a model by sharing your own feelings appropriately.
Take care of yourself so your child can be a child and not your caregiver.
Follow through on commitments and promises.
Discuss any proposed schedule changes directly with the other parent.
Respect the other parent’s scheduled time with children and do not schedule plans that will conflict.
Be willing to support and encourage extended family relationships.
Create a calendar for the children so they always know their schedule.

[Read more…]

If You Think Your Husband or Wife is Cheating

On September 10, 2012 / Marriage Counselling /

Are you noticing behaviours that seem out of the ordinary or suspicious, or just a gut feeling that is causing you to feel stressed out and anxious?

He always keeps his cell phone with him, even when he goes to the washroom.
She is never home – she is always working late.

You really want to trust your spouse and you don’t want to believe they are cheating. But if they are having an affair you will feel like such a fool. You need to find the truth.

So what do you do? Well, if you are like most people you start to snoop, searching for evidence you can use to confront your spouse. You look at emails, text messages, phone records, receipts and more. You go through their pockets or purses when they are in the shower. Yet even if your searches turn up nothing, you still don’t feel satisfied because you have this nagging thought that your spouse is having an affair. [Read more…]

Dealing with Stress

On September 10, 2012 / Individual Counselling /

Does your stomach feel like it is constantly in knots? Stress not only wears your body down physically, it also threatens your mental well being. Stressors can be major life events or day-to-day pressures.

Major stressors include: moving, leaving school, getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, divorce, illness, experiencing losses.

Daily stressors include: being stuck in traffic, conflicts at work, conflicts with family members, deadlines and multiple work demands, the demands of family and work life, the fast pace of modern life. [Read more…]

How to Be a Healthy Parent During a Divorce

On August 17, 2012 / Divorce Counselling /

What is the greatest gift you can give your child during a divorce? Being your healthiest self.

Why be your healthiest self?

If you are healthy you can:

Focus on developing solutions instead of wasting your time on problems.
Give your children stability and consistency rather than taking them on an emotional roller coaster.
Respond to situations and de-escalate them instead of over-reacting and making things bigger.
Manage conflict between households instead of increasing the conflict your children are exposed to.
Help your children adjust rather than witness your children having difficulty adjusting.

[Read more…]

Anxiety

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