What is the difference between those that handle this situation well and those that do not? According to a 2012 study by David A. Sbarra, Hillary L. Smith, and Matthias R. Mehl of the University of Arizona, it is self-compassion.
Pleasing – Both spouses feel happy, hopeful and content. They forgive each other and are able to forget.
Familiar – Spouses feel relaxed with each other, but as the normal stressors happen in life they start to build resentment and take each other for granted.
Uncomfortable – Unhappiness starts to set in. Most couples do not know how to communicate their needs directly so they ask indirectly. Do this, do that. They cannot express their real needs and therefore cannot meet each other’s needs.
No doubt you’ve heard that counseling has many benefits, but perhaps you don’t know if it can benefit you. There are many life transitions in which the help of a counselor can immensely lessen the stress and confusion. Some of the most common are as follows:
Negotiating during your separation and divorce can be a very difficult time. When you have to communicate with your ex-partner and discuss complex issues, it may trigger emotions and bring up past memories that you would much rather move on from.
There are ways to prepare that can help to alleviate some of these difficult emotions and can keep the negotiation process on track. By preparing, you will help to ensure that your negotiations remain on the right path, that your voice is heard, that your wishes are clear, and that your emotions do not get in the way of the process.
Emotional regulation is the ability to react in an appropriate manner to a situation. Some kids can find this challenging for varying reasons.
Young children typically have the most difficulty expressing their emotions or being able to regulate their emotions appropriately. They may show signs of depression, cry excessively, have difficulty coping, be anxious, aggressive, withdraw, become angry easily, and/or may demonstrate oppositional behaviours.
When children are young it is important that they learn to use the correct words to express the emotion that they are feeling (e.g., angry, scared, happy, sad). [Read more…]
Talking to an ex can be incredibly difficult, especially if emotions are still unresolved, children are involved, there is still anger, resentment and sadness about the demise of the relationship, or several of these things are present. Every situation is unique.
Many people try to avoid talking to their ex at all costs, only communicating through email, texts or a neutral third party.
Your words, actions and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love. You may wonder what to say, how to say it, and what your child needs. These are all important questions.
What a child wants and needs during a divorce
- For both parents to stay involved in their life to make them feel important and loved
- For both parents to work hard at getting along so the child doesn’t feel like they did something wrong
- Support from both parents without jealousy or being caught in the middle
- Positive reinforcement from each parent about one another
What parents should say, and how they should say it
- Tell the truth
- Tell them you love them
- Talk openly about the changes going on in the family
- Answer their questions honestly
- Avoid blame
- Give age-appropriate explanations
- Share important details like new living arrangements
It is normal for children to feel a range of difficult emotions but time, love and reassurance can help in healing. If things get worse rather than better it may be a sign that your child requires additional support. Here are some red flags to watch for:
- Sleep problems
- Trouble in school
- Poor concentration
- Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders
- Frequent angry or violent outbursts
- Withdrawal from loved ones
- Drug and/or alcohol abuse
By providing stability, structure and the comfort of routines, children know what to expect, which can aid in the transition. If you are struggling, there are qualified professionals who can help you, your child and the rest of your family find solutions. At Family TLC we believe that successful parenting requires both love and knowledge.
According to clinical professor of psychiatry Calvin Colarusso, someone having a true midlife crisis usually wants to change their life in a hurry. If this is your spouse, what does that mean for your marriage?
That depends on a few factors:
What is he/she looking to change? – There are certain things that are common for an individual to want to change during a midlife crisis:
There is an unfortunate stigma that can surround counselling. Those who seek help are seen as weak or out of control. Even though few people would hesitate to go to the doctor or emergency room for a physical ailment, there can still be prejudice against those who are getting help for their minds.
Thankfully, with increasing media attention being drawn towards mental health, the power of these stigmas have begun to fade. Here are some common myths we can debunk about counselling:
ADHD is one of the most common childhood brain disorders that can continue through adolescence and into adulthood. Some people may assume that if their child is hyper or lacks focus when completing a task, then they must have ADHD. This is not always the case. There are some specific ways to tell if a diagnosis of ADHD may be appropriate.
- Your child is in constant motion
- They squirm or fidget
- They do not seem to listen
- Have trouble playing quietly
- Often talk excessively
- Interrupt others
- Are easily distracted
- Do not complete tasks