Family Counselling Articles - Page 2 of 8

How to Find a Therapist

On September 19, 2016 / Counselling /

At Family TLC, we see our counselling clients as strong people who are investing in their own wellness and actively participating in their self-improvement – despite any stigma that still exists about asking for help.

Once you’re ready to seek that help, your next step is to find the right therapist for you. Here are some suggestions to help with that process:

Ask family and friends: Ask those who are in therapy how they were able to find a therapist and if they like their therapist. If they do, find out what exactly it is they like about them and see if their therapist would be willing to give you a list of referrals. If none of your friends are in therapy then you can always get referrals by calling institutes (e.g., Jungian/Psychodynamic/Psychoanalytic) to find therapists in your area. Many of these institutes provide an intake to match you with a therapist in your area who can help you overcome the obstacles you are facing.

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My Parents’ Divorce – A Personal Story

On September 12, 2016 / Divorce Counselling /

I remember the day my mom told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce. I think I will always remember it clearly and vividly, not only the picture but the feelings I felt as well.

My parents’ divorce happened when I was 16 and going through the ups and downs of being a teenager, dealing with the drama of friends and boys, and loving it one minute and hating it the next.

My dad traveled a lot for work so he would be gone across the world one month and then back home the next month. On this particular month he was gone.

I almost preferred our relationship when it was long distance because when he was home my parents fought a lot. It was clear that neither of them were very happy being around each other, and without them intending too, their resentment had an impact on my life. Dinnertime became a stressful event because they were forced to face each other and that meant an argument was sure to ensue. They would talk often about divorce so maybe that’s why I wasn’t so shocked when my mother eventually told me they were getting one. [Read more…]

Keep Your Sex Life Alive Post-Kids

On August 26, 2016 / Family Counselling /

Sex is more than just a physical act, it is a mental, emotional and for some a spiritual bond as well. Having sex releases hormones that bring us closer together and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple happy.

When a new baby enters your world it brings much joy, along with fatigue, stress, and general chaos. On average, parents with kids spend just 20 minutes a week being intimate, according to Anne Semans and Cathy Winks, co-authors of The Mother’s Guide to Sex. But there is hope! Here are some tips on how to keep the intimacy alive in your relationship:

[Read more…]

How to Have Less Divorce Stress

On August 19, 2016 / Divorce Counselling /

Your spouse just told you it is over! While anyone in this situation would experience some divorce stress, does it mean you will completely fall apart? Maybe, or maybe not.

What is the difference between those that handle this situation well and those that do not? According to a 2012 study by David A. Sbarra, Hillary L. Smith, and Matthias R. Mehl of the University of Arizona, it is self-compassion.

[Read more…]

Divorce Prevention

On August 12, 2016 / Marriage Counselling, Divorce Counselling /

Divorce prevention is about understanding that divorces do not just happen. There are phases marriages go through before they end. What phase is your marriage in?

Pleasing – Both spouses feel happy, hopeful and content. They forgive each other and are able to forget.

Familiar – Spouses feel relaxed with each other, but as the normal stressors happen in life they start to build resentment and take each other for granted.

Uncomfortable – Unhappiness starts to set in. Most couples do not know how to communicate their needs directly so they ask indirectly. Do this, do that. They cannot express their real needs and therefore cannot meet each other’s needs.

[Read more…]

The Benefits of Counseling

On August 5, 2016 / Counselling /

No doubt you’ve heard that counseling has many benefits, but perhaps you don’t know if it can benefit you. There are many life transitions in which the help of a counselor can immensely lessen the stress and confusion. Some of the most common are as follows:

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How to Negotiate During your Separation

On July 29, 2016 / Marriage Counselling /

Negotiating during your separation and divorce can be a very difficult time. When you have to communicate with your ex-partner and discuss complex issues, it may trigger emotions and bring up past memories that you would much rather move on from.

There are ways to prepare that can help to alleviate some of these difficult emotions and can keep the negotiation process on track. By preparing, you will help to ensure that your negotiations remain on the right path, that your voice is heard, that your wishes are clear, and that your emotions do not get in the way of the process.

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Emotional Regulation in Children

On June 17, 2016 / Family Counselling /

Emotional regulation is the ability to react in an appropriate manner to a situation. Some kids can find this challenging for varying reasons.

Young children typically have the most difficulty expressing their emotions or being able to regulate their emotions appropriately. They may show signs of depression, cry excessively, have difficulty coping, be anxious, aggressive, withdraw, become angry easily, and/or may demonstrate oppositional behaviours.

When children are young it is important that they learn to use the correct words to express the emotion that they are feeling (e.g., angry, scared, happy, sad). [Read more…]

Separation: How to Talk to Your Ex

On June 6, 2016 / Divorce Counselling /

Talking to an ex can be incredibly difficult, especially if emotions are still unresolved, children are involved, there is still anger, resentment and sadness about the demise of the relationship, or several of these things are present. Every situation is unique.

Many people try to avoid talking to their ex at all costs, only communicating through email, texts or a neutral third party.

[Read more…]

Children Coping with Divorce

On December 29, 2015 / Divorce Counselling /

Some children go through divorce with relatively few problems while others have a very difficult time. For children divorce can be stressful, sad and confusing.

Your words, actions and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love. You may wonder what to say, how to say it, and what your child needs. These are all important questions.

What a child wants and needs during a divorce

For both parents to stay involved in their life to make them feel important and loved
For both parents to work hard at getting along so the child doesn’t feel like they did something wrong
Support from both parents without jealousy or being caught in the middle
Positive reinforcement from each parent about one another

What parents should say, and how they should say it

Tell the truth
Tell them you love them
Talk openly about the changes going on in the family
Answer their questions honestly
Avoid blame
Give age-appropriate explanations
Share important details like new living arrangements

It is normal for children to feel a range of difficult emotions but time, love and reassurance can help in healing. If things get worse rather than better it may be a sign that your child requires additional support. Here are some red flags to watch for:

Sleep problems
Trouble in school
Poor concentration
Self-injury, cutting, or eating disorders
Frequent angry or violent outbursts
Withdrawal from loved ones
Drug and/or alcohol abuse

By providing stability, structure and the comfort of routines, children know what to expect, which can aid in the transition. If you are struggling, there are qualified professionals who can help you, your child and the rest of your family find solutions. At Family TLC we believe that successful parenting requires both love and knowledge.

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