Congratulations! You have begun to make personal behaviour changes in order to ensure a bright future for the planet! You have faced the psychological barriers that came up and implemented new regimes into your lifestyle. But the idea of so much change seems scary, and there are also big changes happening beyond your control. So, you might have begun to ask yourself:
Is it possible to maintain identity, despite big changes?
Why do some people seem to go through change with more ease than others?
What impacts our ability to learn and grow as a result of experiencing change?
Am I strong enough to bounce back from difficult situations?
The answer is resilience
If you maintain your identity and ability to function when you experience change…
If you have systems and supports in place to prevent the experience of change from harming you…
If adversity stimulates your creativity…
If you can acknowledge change and adapt to your new reality…
…then you are resilient!
We see examples of resilience everywhere, in human beings and other living things, but also within entire ecosystems. So, as humans begin to consider changes on a global scale, how do we respond to these changes with resilience?
Social-ecological resilience
Research by the Stockholm Resilience Centre with Stockholm University provides us with 7 principles for building resilience in social-ecological systems based on the aim to build capacity to deal with unexpected change.
Principle 1: Maintain diversity.
Whether it’s types of species, people or knowledge, one of most important components of resilience is diversity. Diversity builds resilience by bringing together different ways to problem solve. If you feel like you are in a bubble or echo chamber where everyone has the same frustrations, maybe it’s time to hear a new perspective – what could we learn from a different knowledge source or from nature itself?
Principle 2: Manage connectivity.
The Stockholm Center explains that resilient connections come from identifying, restoring and optimizing important interactions. This principle is not necessarily about making more connections (because overly connected systems also have susceptibilities), it’s about fostering a true sense of belonging. It’s about asking yourself, how well does my community work together and how effective is our communication?
Principle 3: Manage feedbacks:
Feedback loops have the ability to reinforce the systems and behaviours we want. So, can we identify loops that are reinforcing unsustainable practices and replace them with systems that encourage the behaviour we do want to see? Clear and intentional protocols with appropriate rewards and consequences can help us ease into change.
Principle 4: Foster complexsystems thinking.
Can we suspend our blame, shame and guilt long enough to see that both social and ecological systems are complex, and their interconnections even more so?! Once we start to think about connections and interdependencies, we then start to expect and account for change and uncertainty, recognize barriers and build resilience. It’s about objective thinking here people!
Principle 5: Encourage learning.
Experimentation, risk taking and learning outside your comfort zone can build confidence and connections. How well do we understand the depth of the ecological systems on which we depend? Can we do a better job of sharing knowledge? Once we deeply understand our ecological and social systems, we can better address their sustainability.
Principle 6: Broaden participation
Have the right people involved! Dealing with unexpected change involves trust, understanding and unique perspectives. Who are the natural leaders? How can you build capacity among participants? How can you ensure all voices are heard?
Finally, principle 7 brings it all together through collaboration and having the right people in the right place at the right time. What kind of rules and governance do we have in our society? Social-ecological resilience involves all levels of society, not just the individual. Effective governance, guidelines and communication between institutions enables swift responses and collective action.
The only constant
As we move forward as individuals and communities living amongst natural ecosystems, we may wish to start to expect the unexpected. But change doesn’t have to be so scary. With effective communication, diversity and an openness to learning, change can evoke wonderful opportunities for creative alternatives!
Are you a resilient person?! What strategies have you developed for dealing with unexpected change, and how can the global community apply that resilience thinking as we face a rapidly changing planet?
Do you have a house full of stuff but still feel like you are always buying more things?
Do you feel self-conscious about what you have compared to your friends, family or neighbors?
Are you worried about your growing debt but can’t seem to manage your spending?
Do you feel like your kids are always asking for more stuff?
You may have heard the term consumer culture, but what does that mean exactly?! Consumer culture is a societal attitude that promotes the purchase of goods for personal satisfaction and economic stimulation. It’s a system where our status and values are based around acquiring things and it relies on creating desire for products which may not have any real need.
This model of consumerism is just one way the economy can work, and as many are beginning to realise, the habits of consumerism are taking a toll on our life-sustaining natural systems. Plain and simple – humans consume more resources and produce more waste than the earth can sustain.
Self-worth
Did you know that consumerism can actually reduce self-esteem and lead to despair and depression?!
Think about it, if you are convinced you need to buy something, it’s often implying you are deficient and need a certain product in order to be good enough. Studies show when people’s self-worth goes up, their consumptive behaviors go down! So although consuming may give you a rush that you are relevant and accepted, this behavior could actually be perpetuating isolation and creating a vicious circle of loneliness and consumerism.
Fitting in
So where exactly does the desire for consumption come from?
Brené Brown says:
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
So as social beings who are driven to belong, but possibly equipped with a misunderstanding of where true belonging comes from, can you ask yourself… How many of my behaviors are motivated by a desire to belong, and what am I doing to just fit in?
Perhaps you feel you need new clothes, but deep down you are actually quite lonely and crave connection and attention.
Maybe you’re convinced you need a new truck, but you actually have been questioning your self-worth and how you are needed or useful to your community.
Or you’ve decided you need a home-gym, but your true fear is not having people in your life to support you in the future.
Possibly you’ve thought you need new makeup or hair products, but your true concern is your lack of self-worth.
Maybe what you really need is the same thing we all do, to connect, to be loved, to be accepted, to feel like you are enough. To belong.
Where does the desire to belong come from?
What if I told you that human connection is possibly the most influential force in our lives?! The key is in validation, when you see aspects of your authentic self, reflected in someone else, you are reassured. Humans need social relationships that foster feelings of love and acceptance.
Evolutionarily: being part of a community is vital for health and safety – the community can typically provide more protection and sustenance than going it alone.
Physiologically: social support governs hormonal responses – deep connections increase the body’s ability to handle stress.
Psychologically: supportive, compassionate connections can improve both physical and emotional health.
We, as humans, are reliant on the knowledge, skills and support of others to live well!
Moving toward belonging
How can you create a sense of belonging? It starts by understanding consumerism through a compassionate lens. We consumer in order to fit in and feel accepted; desires with primal origins and important outcomes. So next time you are driven to consume, ask yourself if there is an underlying desire to belong.
And remember, belonging can come from many different sources: people (many or a few), an institution or organization, or even social media networks. Doesn’t matter who or where you make connections but it’s important to:
Focus on similarities: this gives a sense of validation and reassurance.
Practice acceptance of others: you can accept someone without agreeing with them!
Limit judgement: say yes to new opportunities.
Climate change deals with foreboding issues. Without strong community support, facing these issues can trigger or worsen feelings of despair, isolation, and even depression. Moving forward we have a choice to make, do we perpetuate materialism by acquiring hollow substitutes for belonging or do we suspend judgment, focus on commonalities, and seek to truly connect?
How can I get help?
We at Family TLC believe that in order to heal the world, we need to start with healing ourselves and our close relationships. Addressing consumer-culture and over-consumption can begin by building a strong sense of belonging and self-worth. Contact us to find out how you can foster meaningful relationships and create a sense of belonging in your life!
Do you ever experience deep sadness when you reflect on the natural world around you? Perhaps during a moment on the lake when you notice more algae blooms, fewer fish, or a shorter ice-season. Maybe it’s when you realize you just don’t see the birds, turtles, or caribou you used to see as a child. Or on a hot summer day, when you have to reconsider your plans due to the smog advisory. Or maybe it’s more blatant – the way your home will never be the same after a flood or a wildfire.
Solastalagia & Ecological Grief
The losses we, as a community, are experiencing and the sorrow they cause have been described as solastalgia. This is a relatively new term and is used to express the melancholy of feeling homesick when you are still at home, because the environment has irreversibly transformed. Beyond melancholia, many are describing this feeling of sorrow for loss of the natural world as ecological grief:
“The grief felt in relation to experienced or anticipated ecological losses, including the loss of species, ecosystems, and meaningful landscapes due to acute or chronic environmental change.”
Why do we grieve? When we give meaning to the losses we experience, we are grieving. We grieve to process the loss and integrate it into our life. We grieve as an extension of the love we have felt.
Can grief really be experienced for plants, animals, and even places? As the world changes, we are processing more loss of species and landscapes. If those were creatures or places you had a connection with – it can absolutely be an experience of grief. What does grief look like? Feelings of grief could manifest into anger, disgust, disappointment or even leave you feeling overwhelmed or alone, like no one else understands what you are experiencing. Grief can also lead to feeling lost or hopeless, like you feel like you have no idea how to help your planet or yourself within it. It could also be a craving for connection with another person who feels the same way that you do- a profound longing for the health of our planet or how things used to be.
What now? While grief is a normal reaction, it is important to go through a healthy grieving process. Without processing grief there are concerns that we can get trapped in feelings of anger, pain, numbness, and fear. One way we can honor a loss and say goodbye is by taking our grief public through a process of mourning. Mourning can happen through ceremony, creative expression, celebration, or conversation. Practicing whichever process of mourning feels authentic to you will help you build confidence, resilience, and community connections.
So am I supposed to have a funeral for a tree? If you feel a bit silly about your sorrow for the dying oak tree in the backyard, or the ceremony you held for the bird your cat caught, just know you are not alone in your pain. From an obituary for a lost coral reef in Australia, to a vigil for orcas in British Columbia, around the world there are people expressing their ecological grief and mourning various losses. Some folks wrote and published a heartfelt goodbye to the last member of a species of Panamanian frogs and one American artist even created a virtual memorial platform to pay tribute to extinctions occurring globally.
How can I get help? All of these courageous people are acknowledging their grief and creating safe spaces to mourn lost elements of our natural world. At Family TLC we also want to create a space for your ecological grief, so tell us, what are the ecological losses that have impacted you and how do you mourn those losses?
Cunsolo, A., & Ellis, N. R. (2018). Ecological grief as a mental health response to climate change-related loss. Nature Climate Change, 8(4), 275.
Kyera CookMA in Environmental Education and Communication
Welcome to the club. According to the American Psychological Association you’re not alone, as the effects of climate change are triggering both immediate and long-term psychological consequences for people all around the world.
Of course people want a healthy vibrant earth, a sustainable world for future generations, and for wildlife and nature to thrive. So if people are feeling this way, why is it difficult to take action? Because change is hard in any aspect of life. Maybe you have thought about adopting pro-environmental behaviors but some of these issues have come up:
• You don’t know where to start. • You’ve started making changes but don’t feel like it’s enough. • You have trouble sticking with it. • You feel exhausted from trying so hard. • Your relationships are suffering because loved ones don’t share your views. • You feel paralyzed with fear when thinking about the future.
Believe it or not, these concerns are incredibly common because the time and geographic scales of climate change are just too big to relate to. When people are faced with challenges that they can’t comprehend, they react emotionally and psychologically.
Psychology professor Robert Gifford explains that many people put off adopting pro-environmental behaviors due to psychological barriers that fit into 7 categories called:
The Dragons of Inaction.
1. Uncertainty: People become uncertain because they are numb to hearing the same things or just can’t process such large concerns. “It’s just another depressing story that doesn’t really have anything to do with me.”
2. Worldviews: Sometimes people limit their behaviors because of their beliefs. “Technology or Mother Earth or Capitalism will save us.”
3. Comparisons: Social norms and networks have a big influence on what people do. “Other people aren’t really changing their lifestyle, why should I?”
4. Costs: People are often driven by fear of losing what they have already invested. “The costs of changing my whole life to go green are just too high.”
5. Discredence: Doubt in government and experts dissuades action. “People have been wrong about this kind of thing before, why should we listen to them now?”
6. Risks: Fears of financial, functional, physical and social risks are often discouraging. “Will I be judged for looking like a hippie? Isn’t it dangerous to ride a bike all the time?”
7. Limitations: Occasionally people will only make low-impact or short-term commitments “I bought an energy efficient dishwasher so I can shower for as long as I want.”
The interesting thing is that these challenges are not specific to environmental action- they come up when trying to sustain any kind of behavioral change! Luckily the tools really do exist to ‘slay-the-dragons’. Working with a professional can help build resiliency to deal with anxiety and depression, and to make lasting change.
How Family TLC Can Help To alleviate the debilitating effects of anxiety it is important for people to understand how anxiety works, what their triggers are, and what strategies they can use. Depending on the individual, we at Family TLC recommend and conduct progressive relaxation and mindfulness techniques, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, as well as Dialectic Behavioral Therapy. Implementing a combination of these techniques with a trained therapist, alleviates the paralyzing effect of facing overwhelming situations such as climate change.
Once individuals have developed confidence and resilience, Family TLC helps people to implement strategies for lasting change. Helping people with self-monitoring, goal-setting, and evaluation is an important first step, then the external accountability of regular sessions builds long term success. In addition, allowing clients to understand their personal values and motivations is a powerful facilitator of change. Lastly, Family TLC therapists remind clients to set realistic expectations and clear boundaries, in order to develop self-compassion and compassion toward others.
Co-authored by: Kyera CookMA in Environmental Education and Communication and Sue Cook RSW, CCC, MEd Counselling, BAFN, CYC
The psychological needs of a child are greatly increased while going through divorce. They must deal with an emotional and economic roller coaster, all the while feeling guilt, fear and confusion.
If parents are consciously focused on and sensitive to their child’s essential needs during and after the divorce, they will do a better job of meeting them.[Read more…]
Has anyone ever said to you “He’s just being a kid,” or “She will grow out of it, don’t worry about it”? In some cases, this can be true. Sometimes, kids are just being kids and sometimes they will grow out of it.
However, sometimes there is something else going on and further intervention may be required. Oppositional defiant disorder often goes undiagnosed because the symptoms are similar to those of a strong-willed child or those exhibited by children who are diagnosed with ADHD.
Other parents are simply told their child’s symptoms are a natural part of development. [Read more…]
At Family TLC, we see our counselling clients as strong people who are investing in their own wellness and actively participating in their self-improvement – despite any stigma that still exists about asking for help.
Once you’re ready to seek that help, your next step is to find the right therapist for you. Here are some suggestions to help with that process:
Ask family and friends: Ask those who are in therapy how they were able to find a therapist and if they like their therapist. If they do, find out what exactly it is they like about them and see if their therapist would be willing to give you a list of referrals. If none of your friends are in therapy then you can always get referrals by calling institutes (e.g., Jungian/Psychodynamic/Psychoanalytic) to find therapists in your area. Many of these institutes provide an intake to match you with a therapist in your area who can help you overcome the obstacles you are facing.
I remember the day my mom told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce. I think I will always remember it clearly and vividly, not only the picture but the feelings I felt as well.
My parents’ divorce happened when I was 16 and going through the ups and downs of being a teenager, dealing with the drama of friends and boys, and loving it one minute and hating it the next.
My dad traveled a lot for work so he would be gone across the world one month and then back home the next month. On this particular month he was gone.
I almost preferred our relationship when it was long distance because when he was home my parents fought a lot. It was clear that neither of them were very happy being around each other, and without them intending too, their resentment had an impact on my life. Dinnertime became a stressful event because they were forced to face each other and that meant an argument was sure to ensue. They would talk often about divorce so maybe that’s why I wasn’t so shocked when my mother eventually told me they were getting one. [Read more…]
Sex is more than just a physical act, it is a mental, emotional and for some a spiritual bond as well. Having sex releases hormones that bring us closer together and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple happy.
When a new baby enters your world it brings much joy, along with fatigue, stress, and general chaos. On average, parents with kids spend just 20 minutes a week being intimate, according to Anne Semans and Cathy Winks, co-authors of The Mother’s Guide to Sex. But there is hope! Here are some tips on how to keep the intimacy alive in your relationship:
Your spouse just told you it is over! While anyone in this situation would experience some divorce stress, does it mean you will completely fall apart? Maybe, or maybe not.
What is the difference between those that handle this situation well and those that do not? According to a 2012 study by David A. Sbarra, Hillary L. Smith, and Matthias R. Mehl of the University of Arizona, it is self-compassion.
Inclusive of all cultures, faiths, gender identities and sexual orientations.